A single mom’s
guide to self-care

It’s all about thriving, not just surviving

By Mona Andrei

November 20, 2024

When I was a young, single mother, no one talked about self-care. In fact, the term “self-care” wasn’t even part of our language. In those days, life was just one (very long) to-do list without any thought to a person’s mental health, physical well-being, or emotional resilience.

Back then, the closest thing to “me-time” was 37 seconds of bliss in the bathroom until tiny hands started banging on the door. Fast forward to today, and suddenly self-care is everywhere. It’s like the universe collectively realized, “Crap. We forgot to tell single moms that they’re allowed to breathe!”

If you’re anything like I was back then, you’re still trying to figure out how to eat a hot meal without having to get up every two minutes to refill a glass of milk… or more often than not, clean up a spilled glass of milk. This is because progress is measured in quick sips of microwaved coffee and uninterrupted showers.

… a happy, well-rested mom is a better parent. But as a single mom, the lonely truth is that prioritizing your needs is your responsibility. The result? A win/win for you and your kids.

But now that I’m on THIS side of my life’s journey, I’m here to tell you that self-care should be a priority. You’ve heard me say this before, but I’ll say it again: a happy, well-rested mom is a better parent. But as a single mom, the lonely truth is that prioritizing your needs is your responsibility. The result? A win/win for you and your kids.

But if the benefits of self-care are so great, what’s stopping you?

Oh, I know. I’ve been there, remember?

What’s stopping you is a shortage of time and money. And as single moms, what we lack in time and money, we make up for in guilt.

In this article, I’m going to share some tips on how you can fit in a little me-time, regardless of your circumstances. And please, do leave any notions of guilt at the door. Because, as I explain in my book, SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, guilt is a lie. In fact, I devote an entire chapter to this, titled A Mother’s Sixth Sense – That Damn Sense of Guilt.

Let’s begin with a question:

What exactly is self-care?

Looking back, if anyone would have told me that I really needed (gods forbid anyone use the word “deserved”) to incorporate a little self-care into my life, I would have burst out laughing. Seriously. It would have conjured up an image of me lounging in a bathrobe, my eyes covered in cucumbers, as someone brushed my hair and fed me bonbons. *insert eye roll*

‘… self-care is about stopping the momentum of a mile-long to-do list and changing it up long enough for you to catch your breath and recharge. The benefits of filling your depleted cup span every level of your being, including physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.’

But a lot older and a little wiser now, I can tell you that self-care has nothing to do with ridiculous imaginings of self-pampering. Self-care can be as simple as looking at the mound of laundry lazing on the bathroom floor and stepping over it as you say, “Hmmm. Great idea.” And then following up by spending the afternoon on the couch with a good book.

More than some fancy Dancy activity, self-care is about stopping the momentum of a mile-long to-do list and changing it up long enough for you to catch your breath and recharge. The benefits of filling your depleted cup span every level of your being, including physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Overcoming common barriers

Okay, so we KNOW that self-care is good for us… that it’s essential for our sanity. But what’s stopping us from incorporating it into our busy lives? Well, the word “busy” just gave it away, didn’t it? With an already full schedule, who has time to fill more slots with another to-do, even if said to-do is for our well-being? But it’s not about having time. It’s about making time.

If you think that self-care is “indulgent”, you (like me all those years ago) have the wrong attitude. Just like cleaning the bathroom or taking our kids to soccer practice, we can always find time to fit a little me time into our days. It’s simply a matter of scheduling it and respecting that time.

And your self-care regimen doesn’t have to be expensive. Again, it can be as simple as browsing through a bookstore during your lunch break or giving yourself a home facial on a Sunday evening after you’ve put the kids to bed.

‘Just like cleaning the bathroom or taking our kids to soccer practice, we can always find time to fit a little me time into our days. It’s simply a matter of scheduling it and respecting that time.’

Self-care strategies

The following easy-to-follow strategies have one thing in common: they’re practical.

Time Management. You’re probably already a superstar when it comes to managing your time, so I’ll make this section short and sweet with three quick hacks.

• Eat that frog

The best way to prioritize tasks and avoid that nasty monster commonly known as “procrastination,” is to eat that frog. If you’ve never heard this expression, here’s a quick example:

Let’s say it’s Saturday and you have *cough* “a few” things you want to get done. Your to-do list may look something like this (listed randomly, in case you’re the super analytical type):

– Clean the bathroom
– Vacuum
– Laundry
– Dust
– Groceries
– Change bed sheets
– Make a spaghetti sauce for later in the week
– Water the plants

(Look familiar?)

‘Create a schedule that allows for flexibility and block out specific times for self-care activities. And here’s the important part: treat me-time as a non-negotiable appointment.’

Looking at that list, the one task that is screaming the loudest is the one you hate doing the most. (For me it’s vacuuming, which is ironic because I live with a professional shedder: my dog, Jed.)

There’s only one way to stop that task from paralyzing your day and that’s by eating that frog. Whichever task is the most difficult or least enjoyable on your list, do that first.

• Delegate

“Start them young” is one of my fave parenting hacks. It’s all about involving your kids in household chores. From sweeping to clearing the table, getting your kids to help lightens your load.

• Block out time

Create a schedule that allows for flexibility and block out specific times for self-care activities. And here’s the important part: treat me-time as a non-negotiable appointment. Again, these blocked-out times don’t have to be super long. Anyone can incorporate short workouts into a daily routine. And in today’s world, it doesn’t have to be about an hour-long workout with a monthly gym membership bill. There are tons of free Yoga and home workout tutorials on YouTube.

Bonus tip

Yes, I know I promised three tips but, well, you know me. I can’t help myself. This one is about finding ways to weave self-care into your existing routine. For example, listening to a podcast while cooking or getting on your living room floor and doing some stretches while watching TV.

So, what about you? Do you have any tips you’d like to share about how you incorporate self-care into your busy schedule? Inquiring minds want to know!

Feature image: Andrea Piacquadio, Pexels

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